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Inside the cottage, the smell of damp dog, dust and neglect was overpowering. The curtains were tightly shut and I turned to open those on the window closest to the door, pulling back indistress as the ageing fabric crumbled beneath my fingers. It was clear that they hadn’t been touched in many years. Standing on tiptoes I pushed the top of the curtain runners across the rails, unwilling to damage the fragile material further. The daylight fought to get through the trees, bouncing off the dusty windows and alighting on the net curtains, once white but now a dirty black. Spider webs, encrusted with dirt, covered the window frame, working in from the corners as if the woodwork was a fly to be consumed. Reaching out to brush them away, I felt them crack beneath my fingers, hard and delicate with age, no longer clingy and flexible as I’d expected. The small movements I’d made had raised a cloud of dust, my uncle sinking into a chair in a fit of coughing, the action causing more dust. But I can't because he does not love me. That fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the life I so desperately wish to live with him and only him. I think of a life full of unconditional love and happiness. I wish to come home to a.
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