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. ?Elen, I wouldn'tfink they's going to look good together, like. I mean, the coloursain't the same, is they? This white and that white... They doesn'tlook good together at awl..." she concluded, pointing in turn to thewhite jewellery and the champagne lace trim on the dress."Claire!" exclaimed Helen admiringly, "Very good! Very good indeed!You're quite correct. It would be a terrible fashion FAUX PAS to wearthis jewellery with this dress." Foe paw?" Claire repeated, looking puzzled."A FAUX PAS is mistake," Helen explained, smiling, "Don't worry,Claire, you'll pick it all up, I promise. In fact, I think you'llpick it all up VERY quickly!"And so it went. Helen and Claire went through much of the closet,examining dresses, suits and shoes, then perused the dresser drawers,looking at lingerie, stockings, corsets, bustiers, merry widows.Finally, they inspected the contents of the jewellery boxes. Helenchattered on about each garment and accessory, discussing when andunder what. But they were much, much faster than me. Fortunately, they both tripped over the same tree root and I was able to make my escape. But as I ran around the corner, I lost my footing and fell into... COSMIC PLOT HOLE(tm)!I awoke, tied to a bed. Both my arms were tied with square knots, while my feet were fastened with half-hitches. Where the rope or the bed or me came from, I do not know. The room itself was extremely feminine. The walls were all pink, and the bed was a frilly cotton lace. I felt like I was in a Hallmark card. Blech. Then Suzie walked in. She was wearing an angora sweater, the kind no one has stepped outside with since 1964. I can't remember what kind of skirt she wore. Most of that year is a blur due to my heavy use of narcotics. But what I do know is that she was standing there, in high-heels, a whip in hand, her titanic tits straining out from under the angora as if to say, "I CAN'T BREATHE! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"Ever the smart ass, I made a witty comment."Hey, dere," I.
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