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Jim felt the full force of guilt. As the pangs of love lost and found came over him for the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last, he knew he needed to have the strength to resist. It would be too complicated to return to an ongoing relationship. He couldn’t open up to her completely, and their relationship had been built on honesty and trust. He retreated from her beautiful mind and returned to her damaged body. Along with her unhealthy posture, her eyes seemed distracted, not steady. Skittish. Afraid she would have to present herself. She’d slowly sunk herself into a self-deprecating morass. The past year had only thickened it. Frank. Jane should have seen it coming. It was a pattern. She should have seen it when she thought of where they had met. A bar. A meat market. It was where her crowd would hang out. The publishing crowd. A nice upper east side bar, with foliage and soft rock and soft stools on which to have found new company while leaning on the third drink. Frank had. Instinct told him to be patient. A balancing equation would ensure future equilibrium. It would enable him to reach his hands out and find two gentle female hands reaching back. For now, he would bide his time.Paul's virginity didn't shame him, but he sometimes felt stirrings that are natural for a man. The girls in their bikinis excited him. Often they would flirt with him. His physique and notoriety attracted them. If a girl could claim him, Paul's status would belong to her by association. Paul's introspective manner, however, put the girls off. After the initial foray, the girls would give up their quest. As they expected Paul to reciprocate in flattery, he would respond on an intellectual plane. It was confusing. For the bikini girls, this was too high a price to pay to be on the arm of a former sports star for a summer.There were times in his secret haven in the pines that Paul would dream about these sirens that sang off-key. If only there was a harmony, something might.
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