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Neither Skip nor I saw anyone get out of the two tanks we blew up. That was my first experience as a killer of men and although it was long distance and impersonal, I still had a hard time getting a decent nights sleep for many months unless I was plumb exhausted.I didn't even know how many men I might have killed.We had four-man crews, but I didn't know if the Iraqis did the same. Nor did I really want to know. Two times three or four men? One and a half times three or four men? Either way, they were still dead and I had pulled the trigger. Sobering shit, but I guess every soldier has to feel that.None of that bothered Skip, Jubal, or Pete. Like I said, they were mountain people and came from a long tradition of violence and killing. The Hatfields and the McCoys had nothing on their families up in the hills of West Virginia. And if there weren't blood feuds, there were Government Revenue Agents to harass and rough up. There were many Revenuers who had to be retired with crippling. " Even Louise agreed but I could tell she was extremely worried."Let's get back to work," I suggested when Eric left."Do I have to?" No, you can leave right now. There's no need to live with me so feel free to go. See if Social Services will find you a place this time." That was an underhand remark after her experience with them earlier and she glared at me. "Like Ernie said, it could go easier with you if you have a proper address and a job and going back to work now might help to take your mind off things for a bit. I'm going back; you can join me if you wish."LouiseFor a while I sat on the bench crying and swearing at everyone, and trying to decide what to do. As far as I was concerned, if they were going to send me to prison, I'd had a thrashing for nothing. Well it was for whipping mum but ... I wondered how she was and the thought they'd put some sort of needle in her face to drain the fluid, filled me with horror. The debate inside me continued. Should I just get up and walk.
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