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I took the movies and my wine into the small living room and put them down on the coffee table. I selected disk number on, put it in the DVD player and sat down. I took a big sip of my wine and started the disk.The movies were hard to watch. Especially that first one when there had been so much pain. I learned something, though. I noticed that they started recording me dancing almost from the moment I arrived at the club. They had selected me to abuse and degrade even before I danced that first dance with Don.I watched the DVDs one after the other. It took all weekend and a lot of wine. There are almost twenty-four hours of video all together. Prior to viewing the disks Don sent me I had begun to recover from their abuse and the memories had started to fade. They all flooded back as I watched all the recordings of myself being raped and abused.I was disgusted at myself for giving in so easily but the thing that disturbed me the most was that I found myself becoming aroused as I. Now I feel at peace around them and I can't imagine not having the kids and Mary around. Mary seems to be relaxing more as she gets used to the area as well. She doesn't seem as tense as she did when she first came here. I find myself agreeing with Mary, "I feel free out here. It seemed like I never really fit in when I lived in the cities." The events in Kansas seem like they happened to someone else, but I know that we cannot stay hidden from them forever. I want to tell Mary I love her but I'm afraid of what will happen when someone does find us.Jim came by today and we talked about the cattle and the range conditions. "Someone's asking about you in town" he told me. "You planning on leasing your land for hunting this year?" Not while I've got cattle on it" I replied."Man didn't seem like a hunter to me. You have any trouble you left behind?" Maybe. I was a peace officer for 19 years in Texas. I didn't always come into contact with the best people. Can't think of anything that.
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