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I was thinking of giving the fiction to a foundation that promotes literacy.”“Good,” Violet smiled. “He’d have hated that.”Going through the library’s books consumed my attention for most of the day. Outside of Violet, reading had been one of the few ways I’d found to escape the emotional violence at home, and it had become a life-long passion.I had always been deeply confused by the fact that someone as emotionally cruel as my father could be so erudite. St. Thomas Aquinas, Durant, and Khayyam stood side-by-side on the shelves. They weren’t the leather-bound volumes people of my father’s class bought by the yard to impress houseguests: these books were well-worn, spines cracked, the leaves dog-eared with use. Riffling through them fanned the scent of his Cambridge tobacco from every page. I had so many memories of my father’s half-shadowed figure sitting on the back deck at night, pipe stem curled at the corner of his mouth, squinting through smoke as he read, a glass of wine beside. You know how fixated I get with things, or at least how I did in the past. I’ve learned that my fixation caused me to put on blinders and I didn’t see alternatives. I’ve been called out on that in the past, but I didn’t acknowledge the problem.“I’m not going to lie — I’m still focused on becoming a doctor and everything that’s involved in doing that, but I’ve realized that not only are there multiple paths, but those paths themselves have some flexibility. And the same is true of relationships — I fixated on one possible path, and made decisions based on the image I had of someone, even if they had changed. I messed up a couple of relationships because of that, and came close to messing up others.”“You and me?”“To be honest, that wasn’t the first one that came to mind.”“Jocelyn?”I nodded, “Yes, obviously. But also Janey, Nancy, and Tasha.”“I saw her at church the Sunday before last.”“Don’t read anything into that,” I said.“But you and she...”“Have both grown up and realized that.
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