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- Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.- Jimmy DuranteI have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa GaborOnly Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.- Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.- Rodney DangerfieldMoney can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.- Spike MilliganUntil I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.- Joe NamathI don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.- Bob HopeI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it...- W. C. FieldsWe could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.- Will RogersDon't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.- Winston ChurchillMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But. "That is something I could do but what limits would there be?" I asked, still trying to find those limits.I heard a sigh clearly before Helen answered, "I suppose there have to be limits," she said. "Let's keep it to things that are potentially embarrassing. If we find that things are going well we can always change the rules." That's a good starting point but tell me, what am I going to get out of this?" I asked. I knew what I expected but let's see if they could suggest something different."Well, you will know where these events are going to take place," she replied. "You'll know the time as well so there will be no chance of you missing our, uhmm, exposure. I'm sure you will be more than happy to be there and watch." That does sound like fun," I agreed. "Let's try out a few dares and see how we get on."After a moment I added, "If all of us don't enjoy what we are doing then we'll pack it in." That's very magnanimous of you, Tom, but I have to give you a warning first," she.
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