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But what the Hell do I know about love? At this time, fifteen days ago, I was just like any other freshman at UK. I was working on my classes, and trying to think about how to meet girls, and wanting desperately to get laid. The girls I dreamed about? Why, they were the sorority girls, the ones with the strawberry blonde hair — whether real or Clairol — the golden tans, the perfect skin and awesome figures under not a whole lot of clothes, the ones who wore necklaces and earrings and short skirts and flirted effortlessly, leaving guys like me in their wakes as they walked through campus. I was going to get my degree in chemistry, then maybe a masters, and some fabulous job with a major industrial firm, and move up the ladder with a real, living Barbie doll on my arm. The sorority girl I’d marry, after I was graduated, of course, was going to be some kind of sex fiend, a girl who just knew everything but still only from listening to her sisters — the other sorority sisters I had. "Hey, gorgeous," he said, winking at Melissa."Hiya, hun," said Melissa, winking back."So, who's the spastic?" said James, looking at Derek"That's my husband, Derek," she giggled, "and he's not up to the job of opening the champagne, so I thought maybe you could do it? ... that okay, baby?" Sure, babe," said James, with a smug little smile.He picked up the champagne bottle from the table and popped the cork in a fluent, practised movement."My hero," squealed Melissa."Who is this, Melissa?" Derek managed to mumble."James is my friend, sweetie, my ... um ... very good friend, if you know what I mean?"Derek knew exactly what she meant and the full horror of his situation hit him full bore. He gave up the fight against the tears and he started to weep.James poured some champagne into the two glasses, gave one to Melissa. "Cheers, gorgeous," he said, and they clinked glasses."Hey baby, aren't you going to give some to my blubbering husband?" grinned Melissa."Why not?" said James, still.
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