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The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had. Apparently, there was none. When I brought her out of it, she actually shuddered in emotional overload ... something that is sometimes seen in very small children when they are very pleased. In an adult, it’s akin to a small orgasm.Due to a lack of exercise equipment, I then had her put on one of her new summer dresses, and we retraced the one-hour stroll from the morning. I was pleased to find that she knew the route well enough to do it on her own from then on. It took us an additional fifteen minutes because of the new shoes (she had never worn heels, even two-inch ones like these), and I let her set a slow pace. It was early October, and warm. The sales clerk had done an excellent job, and the dress was designed for someone of Ann’s slight figure. Though her grayish pallor remained, she looked rather fresh; and the fact that she smiled frequently added greatly to her appearance.When we got back, for the first time, she requested my permission to use the toilet. I consented.
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