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I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to givethis thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.Am I wrong?So, there I sat! in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.The directions said that:a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; anda three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself,. Jay was plumbing the depths of my ass with his fingers while he ate Marcy’s cunt. Nate was fucking Sylvia, who was jacking Jay’s dick. Janice was taking pictures while pawing her crotch. All perfectly innocent fun. Then Drew spoiled everything. “Holy shit! Dr. Nakamura wants me to teach a seminar this summer on startup businesses. He’s put together an accelerated program for me next year so I can start my MBA the year after that.” I was stunned. “Drew, I’ve seen you play basketball,” I told him. “You’re fucking hopeless. If we actually had a college team you’d never make ninth string. The NBA is out of the question.” “No, silly,” said Sylvia. “It’s not basketball, it’s the other NBA: Naked Business Advisors.” That became the tag line on our website. We asked Marcy’s brother, the lawyer, to give us some wording that would make sure nobody thought it was a sex cam site. The fine type filled two pages and included the word “prurient” seven times. What baby food had to do with it I had.
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