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I learned how other women felt also having guilt about their rape and no matter what, the fact that they had said the word “No” should have been enough. I learned that it is important to be careful of the situations you place yourself in, but that you can’t beat yourself up for what is in the past. You can only learn from it and work to keep yourself in safer situations. Some of the things really got to me and brought me to tears and I was glad I wasn’t there alone as I felt Elizabeth’s hand touch my hand when I felt myself crying. I made it through the meeting and I think for the first time I understood why people went to those sessions. The question was could I do what it took to open up my heart and mind to accept help and to open up with myself and others what had happened to me. We left the meeting quietly and Elizabeth was quiet in the car after, she just asked me if I was okay to which I answered just by nodding. She knew enough to let me wind down and I was surprised. You walk past me in the cuboard, I can smell you, your perfume lingering in the room as you pass and entere the bathroom. I hear you opening the tap and running your bath, I smell the bath salts you add to the water.I see you on my mini cam as you undress and get into the bath. I watch you while you wash, totally unaware of what is about to happen. You relax in the bath and almost fall asleep. Suddenly you sit up, attentive, listening cocking your head slightly toward the cuboard, a confused look on your face, seemingly asking yourself did I imagine that?You get out the bath, wrap a towel around you and walk towards the cuboard. Suddenly your phone starts ringing, you turn around and walk over to the phone, its him, you chat for a short while and turn toward the mirror as you put the phone down.I in the meantime have got out of the cuboard and moved around the room behind you. I grab you around your body placing my hand over your mouth, I spin you round and press you onto the bed. I.
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