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She should be sitting here. Not you.’ Hearing Jim say that it was unfair was really a small gesture. But I had been carrying the weight of this rape for six years. I felt it was all my fault. That I deserved everything I was getting. That maybe I really did rape Zoey. But, Jim softened me. A lot. Zoey? A sociopath? It kind of made sense. She seemed to have zero regard for those around her. We were just pawns in her world. I let a tear escape as he said all this. That it was unfair. Because it fucking was. ‘You played a role, sure,’ he continued. ‘You cheated on Beth. That’s not good. But you were a victim, too. You were a sociopath’s victim. You were violated in the worst kind of way.’ I stared at him slack-jawed. Me? Violated? I immediately thought of Beth. She was violated too. Her father violated her. It had broken her. It had fried her brain. All because of a series of actions described by one word. ‘Rape?’ ‘Is that what you think it was?’ Jim asked. I stared blankly. Not. The next day I got permission to come home late, and after school Tammy drove me to her house. She and her mother lived on West River Place, a small cul-de-sac off River Road about ten miles north of town.Tammy got us a coke and we sat down at her kitchen table to wait for her mother. A few minutes later, a woman I took to be Mrs. Alwine came into the kitchen, poured herself a cup of coffee and sat with us."Hi, I'm Brenda, Tammy's mom," she said, looking at me."Hi," I replied. "I'm Hannah." Tammy's told me a little about you and what happened; do you have anything you want to add?"I shook my head. What was there to say?"Well then, we can start with the obvious and say you like girls. Is that fair?" I suppose," I mumbled."Either you do or you don't," Brenda said. "Which is it?"I flushed and said very quietly, "I do. At least I think I do. I've never been with anybody, but..."Tammy asked, "No sleepovers, no pajama parties, no touching or kissing, things like that?" No, never, "I.
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