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She breathed in deeply and opened her eyes. Groggy. As her eyes focused, she saw a dark mass next to her. It was a man. There was a man in the house. Again, odd. She focused. This was important. She looked the figure over with logical eyes. He was wearing a dark jacket, plaid shirt. He had broad shoulders. Silvery glasses nested in his spiky black hair. He had dark eyebrows and a strong ridge above his eyes, his deep brown eyes. A rugged nose. Stubble, with some grey. His shiny white teeth contrasted with his tan and dirt-speckled skin. He smelled musky. He smelled fishy. She knew this man. Yet it had been a very long time since she had seen him and it took her memory a moment to adjust to this new face. But it was Danny. Finally, she smiled in recognition. He smiled back. ‘Hi baby,’ his resonant baritone flowed over her like honey. ‘Danny!’ she cried. She sat up immediately and threw her arms around his neck. The comforter fell away as she moved, and his coarse jacket felt. It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I still find comfort in it’s familiarity. I’m also Heathen and find comfort in the sagas of my ancestors and the images of Freyja, sweet Sunna, and Hel. The Disir I adore. What’s interesting is faith or no faith I’m observant enough to know that there’s things that go bump in the night that a .357 won’t do nothing for. They don’t depend on your frame of mind. They just are.The upshot is I decided to quit being angry. There’s no sense in being angry at myself for being unable to do the impossible. I’m happier. My problems still suck but I don’t feel a maelstrom tearing me apart. I can focus on healing and if that’s not possible I can focus on enjoying what time I have left as me.This last week I discovered CBD. I knew about it, but hadn’t tried it until my friend.
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