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I hadn't broached the subject up until now because frankly, I hadn't had the time. I think it was Socrates who said that the unexamined life isn't worth living. Easy for him; he didn't also have to spend time examining physics and baseball and American history, not to mention writing a paper on T.S. Eliot's "Murder in the Cathedral." And in any event, I think what he had in mind was an examination that was a little more introspective than I was capable of at the moment; with respect to the last three years, at any rate, I was solely depended on extrospection, or whatever the opposite of introspection is. And of course, that was dependent on Jeanne's actually talking to me. For the life of me, I just couldn't understand why my breaking up with Stephie would make Jeanne mad. The way she'd said Stephie's name when we were waiting for the bus last week, in fact, had led me to believe that she would welcome my breaking up with her.Jill's reaction was a little easier to understand. She was. It seemed a goodstarting point. I was starting to think that I could go all the way.As we drove home, I told Timmy about the meal. He seemed upset that Icouldn't eat the whole thing. "It's just the guys at work. They all talkabout their big, pregnant wives. I have to keep reminding myself that weare a new couple. But please keep trying!" he said."I am trying. Please don't give up on me!" I cried. He calmed me down andsaid he had patience. That made me feel better.I visited Linda soon after. I had met her at the lunch, but we hadn'ttalked. She asked about my troubles. She linked my holding back to losingmy brother. "She's got her own life. It's not yours. And you have yourlife, with responsibilities and opportunities. Your lines may nevercross. You must understand that."I agreed, but cried. She asked me about sex. "It's great with Tim. We doit once, twice a day! But I worried about my neighbor. I think I want hertoo!" I said. She smiled and offered, "Almost every woman in Stepford has.
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