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I feel much happier when I'm being a girl instead of a boy." Have you told your parents this?" The doctor asks, to which I simplyshake my head."I can't," I say quietly. "They wouldn't understand, they'd think I was afreak." You'd be surprised," the doctor says with a smile. "I don't think you'rea freak, your friend and her mother obviously don't. It's nothing out ofthe ordinary or freakish for some people to feel they were born the wronggender, and I think you'll find your parents will understand that betterthan you think." I wish that was true," I mumble. The doctor simply smiles comfortinglyat me and probes further, asking the same questions Beverly had earlierasked about my genuine desire to be female, before making therecommendation Beverly had promised that he would."I'm going to refer you to a counselor who specialises in these sorts ofthings," the doctor says, typing into his computer. "She'll be happy tosee you once a week to talk through how you feel, but one of the. Perhaps that's because 'spilling the beans' about a secretly gay man would by default 'out' the guy doing the spilling? We kept things on the down low, but we needed to meet each other; we needed a way to recognise who was queer and therefore, a potential friend or sex partner. In the 80s, gay men advertised their queerness to each other by dressing in certain styles, adopting a certain 'look' and acting in defined ways. Think 'Clones' and leather men and you'll get the idea. Such signals said "I'm in the same coterie as you - we're the same". That could lead to furtively checking each other out, cruising and (hopefully!) SEX! Things have moved on thankfully and people aren't so concerned with who knows what about their sexuality; unless of course they live within a repressed society. But this isn't a history lesson nor an exercise in political awareness. This is about how we gays love to dish the dirt on each other. Sometimes, that dishing is about pure jealousy, and sometimes, the.
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