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“Lunch time,” Montana whispered to me. “You better be there early.” Math seemed to drone on. With Montana sitting next to me, it was hard to reflect on Ean. She appeared deep in thought. She appeared to almost guess at least to the degree of what might have happened between me and my brother, if not the actual thing. She looked happy though. Even though I thought she knew that when I said I loved him that I meant a bit more than in a family way, she seemed to have accepted it. If she could accept it and maybe help me, she would be the most amazing friend. I didn’t think I could handle her shunning me for liking Ean. I really wanted a girl friend. I never had one before and having one now that would accept something like that would be beyond amazing. The next thing I remembered was walking into the cafeteria. My mind was so far in on itself. Then I was walking from the cashier with my tray. I was broken from my zone to Montana waving me to her table. She was alone against the wall. ‘All I’ve ever tried to do is be your friend, Michael,’ I managed to say despite the sobbing. The silence that hovered over the phone lines was deafening at that point. Suddenly he responded, ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m just having a bad day. I just need to go to bed. I just need to go to bed. I had too much to drink.’ All I could do was cry. I couldn’t say anything else. So Michael finished our conversation when he realized my tears weren’t subsiding. ‘I want you to just hang up the phone, Camille, okay. I’m sorry. Please, just hang up the phone.’ After that night, we experienced more arguments and tear-filled conversations just because he was having a bad day – meaning he was going through the pain of where he was in his life at that point. And he’s still going through it now. I have to admit some days I don’t understand why the hell I keep talking to that man. When he yells at me and talks to me disrespectfully because of his own personal demons, I hate him. Yet, our good days.
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