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Not physically, although that was rapidly becoming debatable, but certainly a man who was so eaten up with a deep inner rage he no longer had control over his reasoning. She smiled at her own rambling thoughts. Listen to me, I’ll be talking to the walls next, then they’ll probably have to come and take me away. Then her mood took a more serious turn. No not now, nothing could destroy my future now, nothing at all. It’s funny, her uncontrolled thoughts spilled out into her consciousness again, if it hadn’t been for Ted I would never have met Graham and we only went to Spain because I thought the change might buck him up. She looked at the curtain of rain that was now sweeping the whole street, the drops bouncing back into the air as they landed. Spain, she thought, what a holiday that had been. Her thoughts drifted back to four months previously as the heavy cloud burst disappeared from her vision to be replaced by the soft, warm nights, the guitar playing and the sound of people. When I was 27yo this turned taboo for me as I found myself replaying scenarios of some those acts during solo masturbation. I felt disgusted, dirty & embarrassed. I tried cleaning up my thoughts but several weeks later I did again. I struggled with the guilt that something that had affected me negatively I was now reliving during masturbation & bringing myself to climax. Ive analyzed my dilemma & figured something triggered it & will write about that later. Ive searched the net for reasons why this was happening & couldnt find anything that involved women let alone BLACK WOMEN! So if there are any black women who can relate please share your experiences & other taboos. My stories are TRUE!! Names are changed. This story takes place when I was 7yo. My mom & Aunt Beatrice both lived in the same apartment complex & worked nightshifts (12-8) and so my cousin Tiff 9yo (Aunt Beatrices daughter) & me were left in the care of my Aunt Pat who was my mom & aunts cousin. She was married to.
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