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"Uh... throw a rock?" I asked."Yeah. Or it's equivalent. When you're uncomfortable, you move. You just can't stay still. You leave. Heck, I've seen you get up and leave the room without ever getting out of your chair!"There was no debate here and I knew it. We'd covered this one before and she was concomitantly observant and accurate."So. Tell me. What's goin' on? You've been silent for more than a week." Jean, I'm sorry," I said. And then glancing at her to make eye contact, I added, "I'm not trying to be an asshole (as if it took much effort on my part) and I'm not trying to punish you or anything like that. I'm just not sure what it is that I'm feeling."Jumping from stone to stone, we crossed the winter-rain swollen creek and started up the other side before she spoke again. "I thought that, but also know that if we don't talk about what's going on, it'll go underground and ferment." OK, OK," I sighed with resignation. I knew this was going to happen. Then, taking the plunge, I. .. we just can’t, honey ... it has to end here ... I’ve already let it get out of hand, and I’m sorry...”“Mom,” he interrupted, “don’t. Don’t say that, and don’t feel that. It was beautiful, you have to admit. You feel it, too. I know you do. Don’t worry about what society thinks is right or wrong ... trust your feelings. Trust me.”I sighed, and cried some more. Once again, it felt good to just lay there in his lap and let him hold me. I tried to think about what he was saying. I knew he was just saying it because he wanted me. That didn’t make it right. But I felt for him. I wanted to make him happy. But I couldn’t ... I just couldn’t. I knew what was right, and what was wrong.We talked, into the night. I tried to make him understand, and I think he did understand, but I think he just wanted what he wanted even more. He tried make me come around to his point of view, and he was very persuasive. I felt, more and more, an attraction to what he was saying. To just give up, and drown.
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