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What is now pain that I want direly to escape was precisely what was integral in bringing about the incredible rush that I had craved all my life in the first place. Such sadistic pain giving such perverse pleasure, and now, even feeling the full extent of hurt and no longer able enjoy it, there remained a deep need, an almost mechanical response to you. Like a child awaiting Santa, the Gothic version of that tale.It starts from my toes to my feet, neatly caned in rows from sole up, the design similar to that on my back, ass and thighs, only from different instruments of torture. The layered stripes now a mix of angry red, bruised purple and sickly yellow welts, the old never having had the time to heal before the new were laid. These methodical, exacted patterns of lines were matched by circles of burns caused by rough ropes, around my breasts, wrists, ankles, knees and stomach. Some of these rope marks would have never been as beautifully vivid if my body had not responded so. It didn’t come up with a name but I knew by what it read that it was from Dean as he asked me if I had ever met someone and knew I wanted to be with that person instantly. I replied, yes there had been a certain attraction and I had felt it too, but I was not long out of a relationship and it wasn’t something I was thinking about at the moment.He literally had chance to read my text just as my phone rang, I made my excuses to the girls and walked outside.Answering the phone, he told me he had never felt like that before when he met someone for the first time and he needed to see me again soon.I agreed to ring him when I got home and we could discuss it further.To save me from writing the whole story and taking up pages and pages, we had a very intense relationship for about a year until his ex started to get a bit nutty, smashing cars up and trying to take her life etc.,So I walked away from him, we have kept in touch from time to time and then 18 months ago he rang me to tell me.
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