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But like an alcoholic, or habitual gambler, you “knew” you could give it up at any time and would go on to leave the model life of a successful business man.Before long you found yourself, like a d**g addict, needing a bigger hit each time. You started taking bigger risks - wearing stockings and lingerie under your well-cut power-suit; buying make-up, wigs; jewellery and wandering out at night dressed as a woman; going to gay clubs out of town dressed as a woman, pushing into new levels of risk and sluttiness each time.Then one day, sitting at a bar, after a few drinks you find yourself talking to a well built, virile man, a little older than you. He flirts with you. You are enjoying the game and tell yourself it’s harmless.Next he has his strong, warm, manly gently hand caressing your pantyhose sheathed thigh and knee. You find it surprisingly pleasant and allow it to continue as you have a few more drinks. After all, it’s a bit of harmless play and innocent curiosity andyou are in. What thewomen of that day were supposed to be, I wasn't. I didn't understandthose things, and I didn't want those things. I wanted to be who I was,and who I was, was a man. It always was." John... who you were was who you were. Didn't you ever see yourself asmore than what's between your legs?" No." That's sad. I think that's sad. I really do."***She woke up scowling, the early morning light penetrating through herblinds. The dream had been a strange one, and what was stranger was howshe could recall every detail so clearly. That usually didn't happen.Most times, she woke up and the dream would be fading, and she'd onlyrecall that she'd been happy there. This one was different. She hadn'tbeen happy. It had been a disaster, but it stayed with her.She got up and went into the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror,glaring, but for once not turning away. This was what she had to workwith, and might as well face it. She stared at the long hair, and aftera moment, stroked.
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