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The effort it takes to grow out of painful patterns often feels more uncomfortable than remaining within them. Personal growth can be painful, because it can make us feel ashamed and humiliated to face our own darkness. But the goal of personal growth is the journey out of dark emotional patterns that cause us pain, to those that create peace. Psychotherapy: Purpose and Practice says that at their peak, religion and psychotherapy become one. They both represent the relationship between thought and experience, and are used by the Holy Spirit to celebrate one of the most glorious human potentials: our capacity to change.There is a tendency these days to analyze our neuroses ad infinitum, yet use the analysis itself to justify rather than heal the wound. After a certain point, having seen why a pattern developed (“My father was emotionally unavailable”, or “My mother abused me”) and the effect it has had on our personalities (“I don’t know how to let a man get close to me,” or “I now. Tom had learned Mike had fucked her.Then Jan said she had something serious to discuss. Tom seemed to be concerned.“Oh God don’t tell me YOU are pregnant.”Jan and I burst out laughing. He was concerned that she was doing what Sue had done.Jan told Tom briefly what she hoped he would agree to, which is what Jan and I had discussed.Tom could not contain his pleasure and said“That’s the best news I have ever had.”He got up kissed Jan in a most loving and emotional way.I told Tom to take Jan to the bedroom while I cleaned up the dinner things.Tom took Jan by the hand and led her away. Before he left he told me.“Don’t be too long, I think a three way would be appropriate. It looks like I am getting a family with a built-in daughter,” Tom commented.I took my time allowing them to do what they had done many times together but obviously with a lot more emotion this time. By the time I went to the bedroom they had finished their lovemaking and Jan was crying softly. Tom had his arm around.
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