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Existentialism 5: I shit, therefore I sit.Expressionism: Excrement comes and goes.Family gathering: Relatives are shit.Fascism 1: Shit won’t happen if we kill everybody that’s different.Fascism 2: Shit makes the trains run on time.Fatalism: Oh shit, it’s going to happen!Feline-ism: Shit happens ... bury it.Feminism 1: This shit happened before, and WE won’t clean it up!Feminism 2: Shit isn’t funny.Feminism 3: Why does shit only happen to women!?Feminism 4: Put the seat back down, you little shit.Feminism 5: Men are shit.Fetishism 1: I love it when shit happens.Fetishism 2: If shit happens, go for more.Ford-ism 1: Our shit is Job One.Ford-ism 2: Have you had a shit lately?Fortean-ism: No shit??Freudianism 1: Shit is a phallic symbol.Freudianism 2: Shit that happens is like sex.Freudianism 3: Shit happens as a result of repressed sexual urges.Fundamentalism 1: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen, brothers and sisters!)Fundamentalism 2: If shit happens. "What do you want out of me, anyway?" I asked. "I want you to stop picking on me. And don't let anyone else pick on me, either." I didn't have the time or the patience to negotiate. "OK," I said, "Anything else?" "No." "You'll turn over the photo, then?" "We'll see." I picked up my sweater, and decided I'd better put it on, now. I unzipped my leather jacket. Johnny saw my pink dress, I mean my sister's dress, and laughed. I knew I couldn't grab him any more, so I came as close to him as I could and tried to look as menacing as I could. "Listen, you little punk, I said I wouldn't pick on you and I won't, but if you laugh at me or make fun of me or even act like we're friends in school, our deal's off, you understand? Just because I'm protecting you doesn't mean you get to shoot your mouth off in front of me." "Whatever." I pulled my sweater over my head, then put my jacket back on and zipped it up and checked the mirror. Good, you couldn't see the swell of my fake breasts.
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