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Afterwards we went to Maggie Moo’s for ice-cream, and sat around outside for a while talking about sex and Star Wars. When it got late Erma and Mira each headed home, and Ke, Nivagi and Stsm came over to my apartment to spend the night. Part of my day was pretty stressful, so when I got home I asked Ke, Nivagi and Stsm to give me a massage. Stsm asked if I wanted a regular massage or a “special massage”… amused and curious, I chose “special.” The three of them had Ke straddle my back and massage my shoulders while they pretended to massage my legs as a precursor to their real plan – tying me up and giving me birthday spankings. Smiling and entertained, I let them tie my feet and cuff my wrist to the bed, playing along that I didn’t know what they were doing. Once bound, the three of them took turns caning, paddling, and spanking my ass, laughing at how red it got so fast. I told them to smack all they wanted, but to keep in mind they’d be getting the same once I was free. . I ... I am sorry. It is just that when you touch me, I do not wish to control myself. My entire life has been that of me controlling my wants and desires. Ever since the death of my papa, I held back from those around me, remaining both untouched and unloved. I listened and watched as everyone lived around me. I have hidden behind a mask, pretending that I did not want the same things other women wanted, but I do want them. Actually, I want you, Erik! My body aches with its need of you. When you place your hands on me, I burn deep inside. You are not the only one that feels tormented, mon amour. I may be untouched, but I am not wholly innocent. I am aware of the things that men and women do. One cannot live on an estate the size of the de Mornay's without witnessing several assignations. I realize that I must learn control or I could hurt someone, perhaps, even kill someone. If one good thing can come of Helen's mistake, it is to show me what comes from not being properly prepared. I.
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