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It was just a grubby ceiling. I closed my eyes, rolling the memories backwards in my mind, replaying what I could remember of our aborted conversation. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it before. That’s what he’d said, right? See what? What could he now see? I didn’t want to face it. Face what? Us? It was some heartbeats later that I sat bolt upright. Oh god. Oh god god god. Was that what he’d been trying to tell me? My shoulders sagged. No, it couldn’t be that. Could it? I pushed myself off the bed and moved to the small window that looked out over the back gardens and into the trees of the neighbouring courtyard gardens. The wind had picked up, dark clouds scudding low along the ridge of dark trees. I took a moment and just concentrated on breathing. No wonder I’d felt that deja-vu feeling. The first time he’d paced like that, agonising, wretched, he’d told me he cared about me. Cared. The very next day he’d retreated completely. Licking old wounds. Putting up old walls. Retracting. .really, do you still care about me? Not Bethany, but Jay." I -- I guess..." Guess?" Of course I do!" Then help me from going crazy. Treat me out. Help me remember whatbeing best friends was like again. Please!"He mulled then sighed. "Aw right, alright." Oh Gosh, thanks Tim!" I squealed aloud and he seemed to brace as thoughexpecting me to jump up to hug him, but I barely restrained the impulseand be looked relievedly disappointed."Er, sure. I -- I'll take you to a movie. That okay?So long it ain't Disney!" Sure, sure. Whatever. I just don't -- want you thinking I don't care." But you really wish I'd let go, don't you?" I asked and he lookedsheepish and evasive then looked up at me."Look...I -- I'll help you deal with this, Beth -- er, Jay...but, Istill think it'd be way better for everyone if you became Bethany allover again," he said in a odd ambiguous way, as though covering himselfwith warning and sincerity.I nodded. "Thanks for your honesty, Timothy," I quipped. "Don't forgetto.
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