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”Still burning from the embarrassment of having to shout for the whole bar to hear you stuff your thong into your bag. A quick glance around now confirms that many people heard and saw the whole incident. The giggles, the looks, the frowns, the smiles from various people conveying a whole range of judgements. You feel so small, tiny, belittled by strangers in front of an audience. It's strange as your head spins with thoughts and emotions, this was the game, the intention but reality and fantasy are two separate things. You're trying to sort out how it actually makes you feel, whether you're secretly pleased or offended. The fact that this isn't an easy and clear task is all part of the newness and strangeness of it. Added to that mix the couple are still at your table and asking questions. Your mind is too much of a mess to make up a story to cover the phone call so you opt for truth. Explaining that its a game played with your boyfriend, a prelude to sex, foreplay as such. As a game. After they are done rocking, he high-steps it back inside and goes to the counter. The assistant asks “What size then?” “Forget the condoms,” says the man, “how much for the fence?”At Heathrow airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of Central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode towards Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes. Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore.
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