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The only thing the angry boy knew for sure was that he wasn't going back; even if he called and apologised and begged to come home he'd get told to walk back in the rain anyhow, so why call up to get bitched out all over again. I'll be eighteen years old in a few months, he thought angrily, and I can't drive, I can't pick my own clothes, I can't pick my own friends, I can't date. I’m fit and strong, with a body girls would like if I could only meet some. I look fucking cool in my surf stuff or my baseball kit, and except for the drawings in the biology text and checking out a Playboy magazine at Jonny's house, I’ve never seen a girl without clothes on. I've had it, he told himself angrily, I want more and I deserve more. I'm smart and cool and ready and I want some excitement, some adventure in my life. I want to go places and see things, to learn about life for real, not this sanitised and disinfected and Christian bullshit crap Auntie wants to hand me. I want to meet people and have. It was already to late, thought.’ ‘Oh you poor thing.’ River is looking at me with her wicked grin firmly in place. I shrug. ‘It’s just as well. I was being an idiot.’ She looks at me strange, so I explain. ‘I wasn’t wearing a condom. I really hadn’t expected the kissing we were doing to go that far, so I hadn’t bought any. She said it didn’t matter. I probably would have had the karma to have gotten her pregnant right then on my first time.’ River tilts her head. ‘How old would the child be now?’ I think back. ‘There would be a little ten-year-old running around the table going Dad, dad, dad.’ I take a sip from my glass. ‘Ten? You were sixteen at the time?’ She looks confused for a second. ‘So you haven’t had sex since then? Ten years?’ The humor crashes out of me like a drain is pulled. ‘Yeah,’ I say looking down at the table. ‘Hey?’ She leans forward and takes my hand. ‘Hey, now what is it?’ When I look up I see the concern in her eyes. It shines out from those pools of blue. I.
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