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I had never seen anyone look so sad, and I felt my anger melt away."What's the matter, Jennifer, is your leg hurting?" Somehow I knew that wasn't the problem, but I didn't know what else to say.She took a deep breath and wiped her arm across her eyes. "I'm really sorry ... you are being so nice, and..." She started crying again, and I waited patiently."I haven't told very many people, but you deserve an explanation," she said finally. Her voice was quavering, but she seemed to have stopped the tears. "I was raped about two months ago, and I'm still getting over it. It's hard for me to talk to people, to trust anyone." Oh God, Jennifer, I'm so sorry." I was secretly relieved that it wasn't just that she didn't like me. "I'm glad you told me — now I understand about the ride." I know how ridiculous it is to turn down your ride," she said, still sniffling a bit. "That's what being raped does to you. I used to be outgoing, and now I'm terrified of everything. You're actually the first. I don’t know your name but my fingers were just inside your ass, here’s your sunglasses and have a good night…I did not have any additional encounters on that trip nor did I want any. I was left feeling confused about what I was doing. Was this what I really wanted? Was this still a turn-on? Getting back to Chicago, I would think about this periodically but I was not able to come to any conclusions as both work and family got really busy. Over the next month, my libido really dropped as I had to concentrate on work as well as on things at home. During that month, I really started thinking about ditching this “hobby.” While sex remains a non-starter with my wife, we have become much closer emotionally over the past several months and I was really feeling guilty about my prior activities and thought many times about giving it up. However, as is usually the case, it wasn’t long before I was going back down the rabbit hole. The first thing I did as I was feeling a little randy was to.
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