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I didn't feel safe to tell myparents.I cried myself to sleep that night, I started hating my life. Whywasn't I born a girl? Life would be so much easier than it is now. Ifelt lost. If I couldn't trust my parents, who can I trust? I wentinto repressing mode. I thought to myself that when I do boyish thingsit well help. Maybe I was crazy for thinking that I'm a girl. But I'drather felt like a girl at heart and not telling anyone than tellingsomeone and they try making me feel like a boy.We moved when I was 11. From Munich to Frankfurt. Everything was new.From the countryside near Munich to the city. Well, the suburbs. Butstill the city. And a new school. And with that new people. I made newfriends. No girls. All guys. And we made fun of the girls. So, did I.And it hurt. It felt so wrong. I knew it was wrong. I should be makingfun of the boys instead. It's still mean. But felt more right to me.But I hid that feeling and went on.By the time everyone was hit by puberty the feelings of. Let me only say he was powerful and cruel, and i desperately wanted to get away. By a stroke of luck he died, but his curse remained. i could not ever remove my bondage straps, and on occasion the fake bunny ears even moved with my emotions. Any clothing i tried to place upon my white fluffy top and skirt and boots, all made of the same faux rabbit's fur, instantly became useless and fell to the floor. i think i counted myself lucky that the pink cotton panties he provided me were removable and not permanent. On this night after my owner's death i grabbed a red silk cape from his closet and dared to exit the mansion into the cold night.Snow covered the sidewalks and streets, and i knew i had to get out of the cold soon. i went into the first bar i could find, tucked neatly into a back alley somewhere, but the sign called to me from the street. The Midnight Cabaret it was called. i hadn't ever seen it before, but it was cold, so i thought i might find some place to be warm for a.
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