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I try to eradicate him from my thoughts, I really do, but it is not easy and I feel like a terrible, inadequate person because I have not found the strength to accomplish it. Especially as it complicates certain aspects of my relationship with Darci, like sex, for example. There have been times where it is not her I think of and it is not her name that I wish to call out. This has caused me to become more careful during our love making, and I have grown increasingly anxious when all I desperately want to do is let go and enjoy myself. I keep going back and forth with the thinking that I should let him go somehow and give my all to Darci. It is what she deserves given everything that she has done for me, after all. But in truth, I do not want to. I want to have him in my life, even if it is in small patches now. I still can not find a reasoning for why I feel this way and at times, it is maddening. I feel like there is a constant war being waged inside me and no matter what I do, I. Janelle's voice interrupted her almost-dream. "My Mom and Dad are going out to the lake. If you want to know whether this is real or a dream, you can see if I am telling the truth. Just wake yourself up and go out to the lake. If you are quiet, they won't even know that you are there.Her Mom's voice interrupted her semi-dream. "Cutie! Your Dad and I are going out to dinner. Later, we may go to a movie or something. Will you be ok here alone?"This time, Cutie really did wake up. "Oh, Mom. Sure, I'll be fine. Go, have a good time. I'll probably go to bed early, I'm tired." 'And I may have company when I go to bed, ' was part of her thought that she did not include out loud. She walked her parents to the door and kissed them before they left. Laughing, she added, "Don't be out too late, now. Remember your curfew. And don't make me call the police to come find you!"All three laughed together. This was a family full of love.A few blocks away, Janelle's Dad was talking with his children..
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