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"Nancy didn't leave. Instead she sat down on my bed and patted thecovers for me to sit beside her. "It's been a long time since we had asister to sister chat," she remarked.It certainly had been a long time - like forever. In fact, we reallynever had brother-sister chats. Like many siblings of the opposite sex,we weren't terribly close. It wasn't that we didn't like each other; itwas just that we didn't have a lot in common. Nancy was an industriousperson and a good student. She was two years older than me and wasattending college partially on scholarships. I was, if the truth beknown, a little on the lazy side and would be lucky as Adam to even beable to get into college.Obediently I sat down beside her. I supposed that if I was to succeed inwinning back my masculinity, I would have to be more like my sister. Atleast as far as everyone was now concerned, I already was. I would justhave to continue doing what I supposedly had already been doing."What did you want to talk about?" I. The rough patch that he referred to had been the death of my girlfriend and her little brother in a massive accident that I was involved in. A drunk had ran a red light and slammed into our Honda Accord and totaled it. Miraculously I had not been hurt much more than a few bruises and a shit load of mental anguish. My girlfriend’s brother died instantly. She, however, had not been so lucky. I sat there with her as she cried in my lap. I had never felt so powerless in my life. What the fuck had I done to deserve this? What had she done? What had her brother done? I had no answers. As I tried to move on with my life I realized I could not focus on the real world anymore. What had been there for me was not there anymore. After the accident, I had somehow lost my ability to socialize. I couldn’t talk to people. I couldn’t be around people. And I thought I had escaped the accident whole. How arrogant of me. I thought about suicide, but realized I couldn’t do that to myself. No matter how.
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