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Do I want to be a woman or do I want to stayas a man? I knew that I did not want to live as a gay man. The elephantin the room was that if I transitioned, I would always be a sterilewoman, who had once been a man and who had to take hormones for the restof her life. If I decided to return to being a man, I would find itdifficult to change my behaviour back again, I was very comfortable as Iwas, I would make a feminine man.I had to make my mind up, piss or get off the pot. I asked Mary to fix meup with a session with the doc.I spent some of the rest of the weekend in contemplation and some in idlefun. I thought about the implications of going down the road to being afemale. I also spent a lot of time thinking about the job. I had beenvery keen to join the police since I was quite young. Did I still wantthat as a career? Yes, I loved the challenge and the satisfactions of thejob. If I became a woman, would I still want to stick with police work? Icould see a lot of problems. Gabby lowered her voice, and motioned Julie closer."Julie, I'm a little bit worried about Eve Hunter. I don't like the sound of what she wants me to do at the new hospital."I should be over there today, but I don't want to go."Eve wants me to work on black thread-worm toxin, can you believe that? Two years ago the Earth was almost colonised by aliens, aliens that can control people's minds. Now they want me to see what happens when people take the toxin, they're looking for new drugs to patent. Who knows what weird alien chemicals it has in it, who knows what long-term effects it has on the human body?"I don't like it, Julie. I can't do much about it right now, I've signed an NDA, but I think I'll try to find a new supervisor, maybe even move to a new Uni. With my original supervisor at Johns Hopkins, my thesis is going nowhere, and everyone's working on cancer, cancer, cancer. It's all very worthy, Julie, but it's not what I want to be doing."Julie was a little surprised at Gabby's.
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