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How it must have felt to be so powerless and so…. dehumanized. There is something about it that has always fascinated me and turned me on a little. But being here is like that times 100. The whole morning I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to be in their place. I guess in the showers I was a little distracted too, wondering if maybe it would be worth volunteering to satisfy my curiosity. Maybe if I hadn't been so out of it, I would have been just as horny as you. So I guess I know how you feel.” She said with an uncertain shy smile on her lips. Alice was taken aback by Rachel’s admission, that she was actually aroused by the thought of being on the processing line. That she had always found herself interested in volunteering. Of course earlier that morning, Alice wondered how it must feel to be on the line and even found it a little arousing. But it was different for her. When she looked down at a helpless girl about to be slaughtered by her own hand, or her mother's.. I knew of her indiscretions, she was never subtle about it. Her lovers would phone, when I was home, and she would leave to meet them. I stayed, for the sake of the children. They needed one stable parent in the home. When she died, it was a relief. I never mourned the loss, like you mourned Michael. There was no need. I had mourned the loss of my marriage years before. Her death, was the finality I sought. Her death gave me freedom. Funny, when we first met, and married, we had a satisfying sexual relationship. When she started having the affairs, I lived a life of celibacy, not wanting to be the one who stepped out on his spouse, so she could ask me for a divorce." Michael was my first lover, I was a virgin when we married. That was important to me, that I was able to give him that part of me, on our wedding night. I haven't been with another man either. I know that celibacy is not easy, the urges, the desires, don't just go away. They linger on, a sweet torture of.
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