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I’m grateful and respect you for meeting your obligations and taking care of me. I even love you in some ways, but I don’t love you the way a wife should love her husband.’ Lexi stopped to dry the tears running down her cheeks. ‘We only married because of our responsibility to the baby, but when we lost our son the reason for us being together was lost too. I’ve been thinking a lot about us since I got home from the hospital. And as much as I like and respect you, I don’t want to settle for anything but real love in my marriage.’ ‘Lexi you know I care for you and I think we could be good together,’ I interrupted. Remember that sinking feeling? Well it was back, I didn’t want her to go. ‘I know and I care for you too, but it’s not enough for either of us. If the baby had lived we might have made a good life together. My dad is coming to pick me up and then I’m going to go live with my aunt in Washington State. Please don’t hate me James.’ Those were her final words and she kissed me. The food I thought would last meChristmas and Boxing Day will now be eaten by twopeople today!Quarter to ten and I’m in church ready for the service.The church is packed; the old days of everyone tumblingout of the pubs for Midnight Mass have gone, and ourcongregation seems to have divided itself fairly evenlybetween the midnight and morning services. Kay catches my eye at one point and smiles at me;otherwise she is as professional and competent as ever.I feel like death warmed up. I croak my lines; I miss acue in the anthem; I breathe in the wrong places; Ising badly. No matter; this Christmas my mind is onother things. There’ll be other Christmases to get themusic right.Now it’s 11.15 and the service is done. Everyonescuttles off home to their turkeys. Kay and I lock thechurch and drift down the lane to my place where we’regreeted at the door by the gorgeous smell of roastingfood. I make coffee and while we’re drinking it we dosome quick planning. Kay.
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