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”“Unbelievable. Waltzing Matilda was born in Banjo Paterson’s imagination. And by the way, written well over a hundred years ago.”“And how do you know its fiction? And what makes you think I wasn’t here then?”“No-one lives that long,” I said confidently.I heard a splash from the shadows opposite me. And I then noticed a ripple heading my way across the surface of the billabong as celestial bodies were again disturbed. What emerged from the water stunned me, anesthetizing my mind with shock. Aspects of octopus, squid, and crab in the physique; but, in truth, this creature was like nothing I had ever seen or ever imagined.The ochre maybe-monster stood five feet and furtively moved sideways towards me on eighteen tentacles, their one large unblinking eye staring at me. And then the penny dropped, it was they who had spoken.“Fuck,” I whispered, “a loquacious monster! This is so not my day.”“I know we Kraken have a certain reputation. But monster is a tad pejorative, you know.”“A Kraken!. You look amazing Phyllis!" said Pat."Hi, I'm Bob" my best friend said clearly not recognizing me."Hi, I'm Phyllis," I replied. "I'm one of Lorraine's friends." You are hot," Bob said. "But you sound a bit like my friend, Phillip." That's because she is. This is your best friend, the man's man. Sexyisn't she?" Pat laughed enjoying my total humiliation.I felt like Pat had undressed me and I was naked in front of my bestfriend, his wife and my wife and I rushed out of the room and lockedmyself in the bathroom.What I did not see (because I locked myself in the bathroom) was Pattelling Bob that a bet was a bet and he was going to have to provehimself a woman of his word."What bet?" Lorraine asked pretending not to know about it."Well, you see Bob here, he told me that any man who would let his wifeput him in a dress must be gay, and no real man would allow his wife todo this." What a homophobe!" Lorraine replied."Exactly. I told Bob that gay men are as much real men as he was. .
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