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We got on famously, and among other things, discussed The English Patient. We flirted, and next thing I recall was saying yes to: ‘Can we meet for coffee?’.In the book of life, is there a chapter on chemistry between two same-sex people, and how does one decode it? I was trailing breadcrumbs—started with rummaging through memories of my past. As a 12-year-old, was my attraction to my best friend’s mother (who looked like Brooke Shields!) sexual? I began questioning my long-term relationship with my boyfriend, my carnal choices, my parents, my girlfriends—it was all too explosive, and coming to terms with it in an alien country, a precarious thought. For me, sexuality is a private orientation, but it also can’t exist or thrive without permission. The only consent I needed apart from my own, was my parents’. Hesitantly, I asked for recommendations for a ther****t, one who would make sense of the ‘shift’. It wasn’t easy offloading my new-found leanings to friends, and doing it in front. But I would get disgusted at the fact that I wanted my brother to roughen me up. I swallowed hard and shred my eyes away from my brothers dick and balls.“Ever been with a real man, Emily?”, he asked me.I blushed, he smirked and then curious, “Ever been with a man at all?” He asked again.“No”, I said, my voice hushed.My brother stood up and I watched him stand tall, I was around 5’7 and my brother 6’0. He stood close to me and eyed me. I looked down, ashamed, I was looking at my feet but my eyes wondered of to his dick instead. Billy came closer, and closer.Right now, Billy was a few inches away from me, he patted my face and kissed my forehead. “It’s alright Emily”, he said, and my eyes immediately watered. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. “You’ll find someone soon”, he said. “No I won’t”, I started sobbing. I brought my hands up to cover my face, “No man wants me, no one wants to fuck me”, I started crying now.Billy removed my hands from my face and leveled with me. “Look, Emily”,.
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