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Capitalism 3: How much is that shit?CargoCult: A barge will come and take all the shit away.Catholicism 1: Our shit is the One True Shit and we can trace our shit back to Jesus.Catholicism 2: If shit happens you deserve it. And Jesus died for your sins.Catholicism 3: You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.Catholicism (Old) 1: mauris contingit (literally: that which stinks happens)Catholicism (Old) 2: excrementum contingit (plural: excreta)(literally: excrement happens)Catholicism (Charismatic): Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.Charismatic: Shit happens. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!Christianity (generic) 1: Only holy shit happens.Christianity (generic) 2: Shit happens to sinnersChristianity (generic) 3: Catholics are full of shit.Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us!Christian Fundamentalism: Hell is where everyone must mind their own shit.Christian Science 1: Shit happening is all in your mind (You only think shit. "Hold me, Dan."And I whispered, "I love you, my Cindy forever." I need you, Dan..." What you mean, you need me?" You're, like, my life..." And you're mine." Dan," she said, sitting up, looking at me with a serious face, "You need to know that I WANT to be yours."And a tornado of thought was going through my head. Damn it! She was fourteen. I was haplessly, hopelessly smitten with her. And she was fourteen. And what was I supposed to do? Give my heart to her? She had it. And there was a black corner of despair there, too, as in "Dan, in a year she's gonna be tired of you. And you're gonna be seriously screwed, in more ways than one." Cin, my love," I asked, "What does forever mean to you?" Forever. Is forever."Cindy, darlin', I'm not just in this for a few weeks or a few months ... I want forever, too. But I'm way ahead of you in age. When you turn twenty-one, I'll be almost fifty. You'll be a beautiful young lady. What will you do with a fifty-year old husband?" Husband? As in, you'd.
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