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After a visit to his parents, we'd established a pattern of current- events discussion at table. It's part of being a family.When we got to the bedroom, Bob checked out the surfaces. I simply stared at the bed. I had entered marriage fully determined to satisfy all Bob's sexual needs and expecting to enjoy doing so. Sexuality is one thing, sensuality is another. That bed was where I had learned the difference, and where Bob had enticed me into sensuality.The night before had exemplified that.Bob had kissed me everywhere, ending in his favorite place. His hands, lips and tongue had teased me until I writhed in anticipation, then had guided me through spasming satisfaction to exhausted repletion. I recovered in his arms, feeling the hot hardness of his desire on my thigh. Once, I had been embarrassed by his erections; now, at least when we are alone, my reaction is smugness. We had kissed for a long time before I had cradled him and he had entered me.People joke about the "missionary. If anyone were to ask me what went wrong in our marriage, I would honestly have trouble telling them. I don’t know where it began, or what caused it. But Karen changed, slowly and in subtle ways at first, but, in more recent years, so greatly that I could barely recognize the woman I was waking up with each morning. Sex had all but disappeared, and she used her witholding of it as a way to wield power over me. She had stopped taking care of herself, and began spending most of her time watching television, eating, and ignoring everything around her. I became responsible for everything that needed to be done, and was rewarded with harsh words, power struggles, and constant disappointment. Here in Russell Creek, hundreds of miles away from my real life, the life that was currently on hold for a few days, I felt distant from everything. Distant from the people who populated my past, as their lives had taken many different paths and had turned them into people I barely recognized. Distant.
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