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They were so involved with each other that they didn't see the look of pain and sorrow come over Mary. She grasped her breast as though the pain would cause her to have a heart attack. "Doesn't anyone one in the family love me?" she wailed. Billy and Tammy looked at their mom with cold expressions, "Mom, we still love you but we damned sure don't like you and we don't want to live with you without our dad." Tammy nodded quickly in agreement with her brother."I'm your mother for gods sake. Why wouldn't you want to live with me?" "You haven't been much of a mom for us for a long while. We both know that you haven't been a good wife. You must realize that we know about you and "Uncle" Sean." The last place we would want to live is with you and your next boyfriend." "Kids, don't be mean to your mother. It's late and we have to get some sleep tonight. Off to bed now and we'll talk about this on the weekend." Mike gave them both another hug and then gently pushed them off to bed. The. .. and thoughts swirling through my head."What if my buddies found out?" i thought , what if I'm gay?" was another ...the longer the day ran and the closer the time to meet the more freaked out i became.I actually walked 3 miles to the bar just to try to clear my head. I stood across the street staring into the parking lot Knowing i couldnt go in.Frustration and anxiety playing incredible tricks on my psyche.As i walked away from the bar after a few minutes , angry at myself...and more importantly disappointed. I decided to call her. "Hello ?" she answered."hey" Whats up Hun?" she inquired"Im freaking out baby" Why ?" Im scared and insecure. I'm a fucking retard. i cant do this tonight" ummmm oookaaaayyyy" she said with obvious confusion (i would like to think disappointment as well)i hung up the phone.After a couple of days , I couldnt stop thinking about her. Gazing at pix and wondering what could have been i called her again.She picked up and before she could say hello i intruded.
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