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That so retain?d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses. My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix?d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company. I imagined a faint trace of that. I had to step quickly into the toilet to deal with the boner that had appeared in my underpants, running the cold water and tryng desperately to think of something else.Hearing footsteps in the hall, I quickly opened the door, expecting to find Mandy, but from the lounge came the sound of her and her stepfather laughing at some hilarious piecture or other. In front of me stood Mrs Hubert, smiling quizzically."I thought you'd fallen down the hole," she said jauntily, brushing past me and jack-knifing to prepare to sit and piss."Close the door, dear," she said. In an instant, I decided to close it from the inside and gave her an awkward smile."As you wish," she said, "but I really need to wee. Lock it."The laughter in the front room had turned to an animated discussion as I twisted the little lock. When I turned back to Mrs Hubert she was sitting on the toilet with her knickers stretched at her knees and her urine hissing into the bowl, then drumming.
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