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Fresh tears occasionally streak over the dry ones.Losing my mother was a feat I thought I'd conquered. Losing Zack is one I know I never will.The day we met was witness to one of my darkest moments. I never told him I planned on jumping that day, but something tells me he knew. After my mother died, I spent a lot of time thinking about her. About who I was. How she was always there to give me wisdom, and I was too young and conceited to notice. I took her for granted, along with everything else. She would surely vouch for my kindness, and I would gladly accept it, until the day she was gone and I was yanked from myself. Forced to look at what I really stood for. It kills me to say I wasn’t who she thought I was.Never overt, always indirect, my self imposed superiority was obvious to anyone outside my social circle, an unflattering trait I carried with me through my first two years of college. Overnight, I was disgusted with myself. Spent weeks loathing a mirror I couldn’t escape, the. I heard the doorbell ring and saw a UPS truck out the front window. I aasumed it was a delivery for us and opened the door. There was a black man and not a UPS man. I asked "may I help you?"He was standing there smiling and said "yes, I believe you can help me." Then I saw a brown envelope in his hand. He said he knew my husband and knew he liked to take pixxx of me as the brown envelope had several. He would not use them against me if I were to let him in for closer inspection. Hesitantly I opened the door and told him to come in. As I was shutting the door in all my nervousness I failed to lock it. He was walking toward the couch and making himself at home. He sat down and opened the envelope and said there were at least two dozen pixxx of me and using various sex toys and looking at the camera. Just what my husband wanted me to do was masturbate a porn star dildo and let him take pixxx and always have to look at the camera smiling. He boldly announced: "We can take a shower each.
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