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Now life has killedthe dream I dreamedAnd it was done!The orchestra as a group put down their instruments and stood up for my girl who sang the hell out of that song. Every bit as good as Patti Lupones’ rendition. We all applauded for her. She turned to them and curtseyed. Then she turned to me and kissed me, chastely.“That was superb everyone. Ready to try something impossible? Go to music #17 on page 235.”I saw them all turning pages, and a few sounds came from Mr. Bell and his group. “Shit,” he said. “Let’s do it, Boss.”“That’s what I like to hear ... No mercy! Everybody ready? Violins, you start this. Let’s go”... (The words are for you, the reader!)One day more!Another day ... another destiny!This never-ending road to Calvary;These men who seem to know my crimeWill surely come a second time.One day more!This number ends the first act.THIS SHOW WILL ROCK!After the class was over, I headed to Clara to find out how many audition notices she had given out.“I am proud to say that I. .this is whereyou'll need to tell me your address!" Up until that point, her notknowing my address was I suppose my safety net. It was my refuge and onelast 'get out of jail card' as it were. But of course she needed it andthere I was giving it to her!Only afterwards it hit me that I should have suggested meeting her at heroffice! After all why not? I could have met her there with my bags andstill gone off with her house for the weekend? But I hadn't. Why had Igiven her my address? I had thrown away one of the few remaining degreesof control that I had in this rapidly spiralling situation. Leaving mewith perhaps the only last real modicum of control that I owned - choice!At least I still had choice. But did I want to voice it? At that point Irefused to allow my mind to go there; I didn't want to hear that I couldhave any choice. I was actively allowing myself to believe that I had tocomply and do exactly as she said and by doing so I was going further andfurther out of my depth. It.
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