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That night, I had a total meltdown. Sometimes I found myself sitting perfectly still, staring straight ahead until the burning of my eyes from not blinking brought me around. Other times I'd spasm when unexpectedly touched as though someone had gouged me with a fingertip in my ticklish sides. I jumped at any loud noise and every time emitted a humiliating little squeak of embarrassment. My insides itched and the area around both nipples tingled maddeningly. Every time thoughts of his hands playing over my body occurred, I whimpered pitifully. I wanted an older brother all right. Finally, at 7:00 PM, I was allowed to retreat to my room and immediately opened my iBook and started iChat. He IM'd me before I even finished signing on.RU OK?My hands started shaking again and I couldn't hardly breath. I answered in teen-text: IM OK. U?IM sorry about 2day. I freaked you out pretty goodNo U didn't, I lied. He had freaked me out totally. IM glad ure there.I thought U mite have changed ure. It may gethidden, buried, covered up but it is still there and then there is atrigger, or something happens, and it pours out becoming almost anobsession."She looked at me and her eyes indicated that I should continue, shewanted to hear more."Crossdressers talk about a thing called the Pink Fog. It is used todescribe these periods where the need and compulsion to dress up and tofeel feminine or girly is overwhelming. It is during those periods thatthey are often caught, or they push the limits so much it blows up onthem." I think I do get that. That makes sense. Would you say that you arein a what did you call it... a Pink Fog period now?" Her eyes looked atwith a warmness and sincerity that made me emotional."Definitely, I have been since the first day of the cruise last March.I know I keep pushing the boundaries and I would like to stop but Ican't."She smiled and moved to hug me again. "Thank you for being honest, itmakes all this so much easier when you tell me what is.
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