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I don’t know the parameters of the leeway, but there was a similar concept of CPT. I’ve heard that other religions and ethnic groups start their events on time, but I had never actually been to one so, as far as I’m concerned, those allegations are just baseless speculation. I was sure I had told Jeff we wanted to take pictures before the ceremony. Maybe I hadn’t. Every now and then I dream something I planned to do or say. I convinced myself I had actually done it, but that didn’t make it so. What other reason could there be for Jeff showing up so late? Traffic? Car trouble? At 4:35 my father stopped by. ‘Where the hell is he? I told you he was not right. Still think he’s coming?’ My dad was being as supportive as he always had. ‘Would you please get out of here? I’m nervous enough as it is.’ I was amazed at how pleasant I sounded. I had shown impressive control. I wanted to end the sentence with ‘asshole’ and much more venom than I had shown Friday night. If this wedding did not. Nobody is home or on the throne.It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I still find comfort in it’s familiarity. I’m also Heathen and find comfort in the sagas of my ancestors and the images of Freyja, sweet Sunna, and Hel. The Disir I adore. What’s interesting is faith or no faith I’m observant enough to know that there’s things that go bump in the night that a .357 won’t do nothing for. They don’t depend on your frame of mind. They just are.The upshot is I decided to quit being angry. There’s no sense in being angry at myself for being unable to do the impossible. I’m happier. My problems still suck but I don’t feel a maelstrom tearing me apart. I can focus on healing and if that’s not possible I can focus on enjoying what time I have left as me.This last week I discovered CBD. I knew about it, but.
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