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I actuallyfeel a lot better knowing that she's okay with me being here. I falselycongratulate myself.Dear diary, Let me tell you how she asked my nameAt 9:56, "I just realized that I don't know your name." And then a momentlater she repeated "My parrot says, 'I just realized that I don't knowyour name; I just realized that I don't know your name'." She sure hasways to break any mental block I can build up.I have private reasons to hide that information so I just asked, "Can Iuse a different name? I don't like mine very much. The name Penny soundslike it is almost worthless but the name Buck sounds a hundred timesbetter."Everyone knows tomboys are born girls so they have girl names or at leastandrogynous names. I technically didn't tell her my actual name but sortof implied that it was Penny who went by Buck when she was being atomboy. So therefore I didn't actually lie but it was close enough that Iblushed. Luckily she thought the blush was just because I didn't like thename. But you're seeing a doctor Monday if this persists. I'll be back around five." Sure. Whatever." I lay perfectly still until the sound of my mums car fades away. Then I throw back the covers and run down the stairs to the front door. The deadbolt slams shut and I literally skip back up to my room. Once I'm there I peel off the false trappings of masculinity. I stand naked in front of a mirror. I wouldn't say I was fit. But I wasn't really fat either. The best descriptor would be slim. I must stand there for about half an hour, depression rising. "This isn't me. It just isn't."My eyes start to mist as I take a final look at masculine me. A sheet from my bed soon obscures it. I pad into the hallway. My hand scrambles across the top of the door until my slender fingers stumble into the key for my sisters room. She had left for University last year but her room just sat there. Not a single thing had been touched. Except by me. It had become my playground.A smile blossoms across my face as.
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