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00. I held the bills in my hand. “Yes?” she asked.I was there. I had my chance to speak, but the words did not come. I looked down at the money in my hand and said without looking at her, “Can I give you this $125.00.”“For what?” she asked in a terrified tone and stepped back. I lifted my head and looked her in the eyes trying to speak.“To show me your tits?” I said meekly. I could see her face fill with colour and she looked down at the floor.“No, no, no.” she said, “I won’t do that, sorry.” Her face was bright red, it seemed odd that she was apologising to me. She was kind of smiling though.“I won’t bother you any more. I’m not some creep. I just, well I, I don’t know.” I was flustered and shocked at myself, my heart was pumping like mad, it felt like my face was probably as red as hers. “OK, one last thing and I will go. Can I ask you how much you make here in a day?”“How much do I make? I make $85.00 each day.”“OK.” I said and put all the $125.00 on the counter, “One day’s wages. As I prepared to launch into my normal advice about dealing with those thoughts and controlling her own behavior, she went further and left me speechless for a few minutes.Rebecca revealed that the man was a respected community leader and always looked so lonely. She assumed he'd likely not had any sexual comfort in a long time. She hurt for the man, couldn't understand how anyone could go so long without the pleasure of another, and she longed to, at least once, give this man comfort she felt he needed, and desired.It hit close to home. Here I was, a man celibate for many years, with the weaknesses and desires that most any man would have. I felt personally the hurt and need she described, and I struggled to give my rote message about love and faith in God to give her strength. I felt so hollow. A hypocrite. A non-believer, lonely, needful, and unable to have faith in a higher power. My words trickled out on their own and I waited for her to respond. Usually, there was acceptance.
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