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I had never been so self conscious about my distant ways.————“What are you going to do to me?” He led me through a back door in the upstairs of the club and I had been mortified to realize he lived in that place. God, I had fantasized about getting in the door for months, longed for it, and he lived there and never had to go home. With the sudden jealousy came a spout of drug fueled excitement, where I’d told him he was lucky and it was amazing and I wished I never had to go home. And then I’d stopped when I saw his expression, so vaguely amused and patient while I rambled on.Every step after that had made me more and more afraid. When he opened the door to his back office, I realized there were toys even back here and they weren’t the beginners’ toys that were allowed on open door nights like that night. Canes and full whips and all manner of hard play implements lined the walls.This was his motherfucking office. I swallowed at the knowledge, watching his steps. I walked. Linda went through the photo album with her husband, explaining each picture and helping to give him a better understanding - if not memory- of who he was and his past history. Some of the pictures Steve looked at seemed vaguely familiar...like a shadow in a fog. But in the end, he wasn't much further along than before he opened the box. "Oh this is just so frustrating!" Steve said finally. "I know, Honey, but you have remembered some things." Linda tried to console him. "And didn't the doctor tell you that it may come back gradual or it could just pop back in all of a sudden?" "Well I wish SOMETHING would pop!" he groaned. "I know. Linda said as she laid her head on his shoulder." A couple more weeks went by and Steve did his best to keep himself occupied and wrestled with his memory. But he was getting bored and restless at home. He had shed his casts and was getting around better on his crutches. His right leg had knit back together enough that he could bear weight on it again but.
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