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If I had taken the customary route of quietly meditating and cultivating in order to elevate my path to attribute energy, I would have probably been encountering a similar blockade to that of big brother Raroen’s and the one I’m facing now”.“Wait, please, younger brother Zax”, a flash of insight shone in Grerown’s eyes and made him agitated. “Let’s recap. I admit, I’m not the least bit of versed in kinetic energy, much less can comprehend the capacity of which you or my dear could handle it, but ... the way you phrase yourself, forsaking a safe and long path of kinetic energy for attribute energy, forsaking your current path for something new and unknown...” Grerown restrained the stutter but his tone was aggrieved, envious to the point cynicism. “We agreed to stop the jokes, so please don’t kid with us. Should you forsake attribute energy, a path it is said is prerequisite to Immortality, what do you expect to find?”Grerown addressed Zax as he would a blood related brother, and he. After all, the battery’s practically run down. I think about this evening, that I could spend money on a new outfit instead, one that will really blow John’s mind. And my secret admirer’s, even though I don’t know what kind of thing he likes on a woman.After work I drive to a shopping centre, thinking that I really will throw my old phone out. I’ll buy a new outfit and perform for John. I will perform for my secret admirer for as long as it amuses him, and when it doesn’t, well so be it. He’s young, after all. He’ll find someone his own age. She’ll be everything to him, and I’ll be of no further interest.The hurt overwhelms me. I feel insanely jealous of some young girl who doesn’t even exist yet; who I will never know, but who will steal my secret admirer away from me, cause him to discard me. And why should I feel jealous when I’ll still have my wonderful, loving husband?I know I’m being silly, because it must happen that way, but I can’t fight the feelings. I depend on my secret.
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