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" I didn't care about his son. I was angry that he had a wife. She must be so beautiful to be with this man. I couldn't think of how many times he would slam his cock into her pussy. If he never did, then he had to be gay. He would be pretty hot for a gay. "Oh," was all I could say. His expression softened, and he took my hand in his. Holy shit. I'm getting wet all over again. "Don't worry; Ashley is rather on the nice side. You two will love each other. She is dying to meet you," he said. And I am dying to fuck you, I thought. My jealousy soon went away, and we were again cruising along the highway. By the time we arrived at his home, I was fast asleep.------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I was awakened by the sound of water being turned on. I sat up, and was amazed by the room I was in. It couldn't be mine. In one corner, there was a desk with my laptop, phone, and iPod. In the other corner, there was a door to my closet, I. I need people to stop irritating me!When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation...My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said “Have you ever had a.
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