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As the pain built up I started squirming to try and keepfrom soiling. I could handle a wet diaper but not a soiled one Istrongly reasoned. I felt I just had to resist that possibility as longas possible. I kept hoping the pain would simply pass.After half an hour the pain and effort to retain my waste started tobecome unbearable. At that point another part of me started saying thatthere was no point resisting and I should just relax and let it happen.For another half-hour I however defiantly tried to resist but of coursethe spasms became worse and worse over that time.Much to my disgust, I eventually had to give up the battle and soonfelt my diaper fill with a hot sticky and very smelly load. When mybowels were finally empty I lay exhausted in my own mess. I felt sodirty and humiliated by losing the battle against that foul milk. Ialso soon realized that it was also going to be very uncomfortable forthe rest of the night stuck lying in the cot with a soiled nappy.Kwailin of course. Where is he?’ ‘Debating racing with Ryan.’ I nodded toward where the two men stood. ‘Like that’s surprising.’ Gail studied me. ‘Does he treat you well?’ ‘Yeah, he’s great,’ I said. ‘He bought me a coat, he took my kids and me out to dinner last week, he’s a really good guy.’ ‘That’s good. You deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been through enough.’ In addition to knowing all the lurid details of what I’d been through with my ex-husband, Gail and Ryan had gotten me through a messy breakup with another man I’d dated at the beginning of the fall. Because of that situation, I’d barely spoken to anyone from the chat room for almost a month, the Halloween party was the first time some people had seen or heard from me since summer. If it hadn’t been for Ryan and Gail’s persuasion and Derek’s threat to come to my house and drag me to Massachusetts, I wouldn’t have gone to the Halloween party, either. ‘I’ve been through too much,’ I said. ‘But Charles has been wonderful. He and I still.
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