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The intense heat that floods my body whenever I see her, the automatic way I hang on to her every word, forgetting to reply most times because I was too busy just listening to the sound of her soothing voice. My heart constantly ached with the desire to caress her lower lip with my tongue before I kissed her deeply, aching to hear her moans reverberate deep within her as she moved against me… I had endured years of this torture, feeling the deep need for this goddess grow into the monster I thought it to be now. The feeling was now overwhelming, my breath is taken away every time she entered the room, and I have to control myself from lightly caressing her neck while her back is turned to me. Her perfume always lingers in our house considering that she was always there, and even the slightest whiff of it made my pants grow painfully tight. I couldn’t take this feeling anymore. “…Hear me Dan?… are you OK?... for me either…unfair…” I had thought to myself, that today…today, I’d let her. As he describes it, it gives him a serenity that allows him to rise above the frustration.Of course, he could abuse my promise. He could tell me he was having thoughts about a girl in his fourth hour class and tell me to do whatever he wanted, not because he was tempted by a student but because he was in the mood to do things to me and have my absolute obedience.And sometimes I suspect that that's exactly what he is doing: taking advantage of me.And I don't care.If he uses it as an excuse, then at some level, perhaps unconscious, his thoughts are wandering in that direction. Or, perhaps, what I see as "an excuse" might just be his embarrassment at having to admit that a seventeen-year-old was sexually frustrating him. So I never question him when he asks. Even if he thinks he is taking advantage of me, I know that I am satisfying a need and re-enforcing his ability to resist.Sometimes he just wants to talk about a particular girl and have me turn it into a story while I stroke him..
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